In the Still of the Night

Posted on Sun Jun 29th, 2025 @ 12:45am by Lieutenant H'iri & Captain M'Raz

2,159 words; about a 11 minute read

Mission: Admiral Ambition and the Borg
Location: Captain's Quarters | Deck 2 | USS Jane Addams
Timeline: MD004 - 0030

The ship was on course for the Cardassian border with helm under orders to keep them away from heavily trafficked areas and that meant twenty-four hours of relative quiet. He'd stayed in his Ready Room until nearly midnight and then, in the quiet of a Gamma Shift bridge, went down to his quarters.

Once inside, he stripped, showered, and put on a pair of loose fitting, drawstring pants and dropped, with a tired sigh, onto the oversized sofa where he could divide his time between watching the stars and the facsimile of flames in his fireplace. He lay with his head propped on a throw pillow, idly stretching his paws on after the other, allowing his memory to go back (finally) to Sol System and those last moments of the-life-that-was.

Has enough time passed? H'iri wondered. Am I overstepping? It is not as if we are dating. Her whiskers wiggled as she thought that. We're friends again, aren't we? Certainly, it is not wrong for a friend to check on another friend. She allowed her lower canines to bite her upper lip for a moment. "It certainly is not," H'iri announced to the room.

Not wanting to go out unkempt, she ran a brush through her hair and styled it with some waves. She then brought her tail around and fluffed it up prettily. Looking at her attire, she decided that a uniform was too formal. Raz needed to know this was not a business call. So, she switched into a rose pink top with short sleeves and a light blue skirt. She extended her nails for inspection and decided that her soft pink painted nails would do, if they had to come out.

Preparation complete, she headed over to Raz's quarters and rang the chime.

Lost in thought as he was, it took a moment for Raz to hear the door chime; he grunted as he rose to his feet, searching around for some sort of top to put on, as he called out, "Enter ..."

"It's just me," H'iri called out as she walked in, catching Raz fussing with putting on his top. Still looks good after all these years, she considered. "Do you mind?"

"No, of course not, come on in," Raz called out. He found a loose-fitting white pullover and shrugged it on. He decided to skip the boots since he was off duty and, after all, this was his home. He walked back out into the common area. "I was about to get myself a cup of coffee, would you like some?"

"Tea would be better, if you don't mind. Pick any herbal tea. It will be fine." She looked around nonchalantly, taking in all of the sights. "I'm sorry if this visit took you unawares...."

"Herbal it is," Raz said as he went over to the replicator. He ordered coffee for himself and for her, a cup of honey vanilla chamomile that he thought she might like. "Not a problem." He brought the mugs, emblazoned with the ship's name and logo as every mug in every replicator was, and passed hers over to her. "A bit. But it comes along with the whole captain's gig." He took a sip of coffee, sighing with pleasure as he did so. "So, what's on your mind?"

H'iri took the tea, blew on it, and then took a sip. She closed her eyes for a moment and smiled before opening them and looking straight into Raz's eyes. "I was concerned about you. That was quite the speech you gave."

"I meant every word," Raz said softly, his gaze turned toward H'iri, his coffee all but forgotten, as he looked into the depths of her eyes. "Sometimes, the words matter. The crew has been through a lot."

"Raz, as long as I have known you, you have always spoken from the heart." She put her tea down on a table, got up, and walked closer to him, not so close as to be in arms length, but close enough to let him know that he could approach or she could be beckoned closer if he wanted. "Yes, the crew has been through a lot, but you have, too. Who takes care of Raz? Who makes certain that he can mourn and reflect?" Her eyes grew larger and softer, while her hands opened upwards at her sides.

"No one," he whispered as he pulled H'iri down beside him and into his arms, burying his muzzle into the soft silk of her hair, rumbling low in his chest. "No one." Once before his world had crumbled around him and he had rebuilt, step by step, shoving down the pain, pouring it all into moving forward. Alone. And now, here he was again, the world he'd built crumbled around him only this time, he had others to care for ... did he have to do it alone this time? He tightened his grip on her, possessive as only a Male Cait can be, and stayed where he was.

H'iri caressed Raz's head. It had been a long time since she had done this - cradled him, assured him that things would work out. "You're not alone," she told him soothingly. "You've never been alone. You have many people that care about you here." While still soft, there was strength in her voice as she felt the grip tighten on her. "And I'm here, Raz." She had more she wanted to say, but she stayed quiet until she said, "Finally here." She then added, "I'm so sorry...." She held his head closer to her chest, to let him hear her heartbeat, hoping that it would help.

His sensitive hearing listened to the words but more than that, to the sound of her heart, slow and steady. After a time, he drew her back so that he was holding her while his head, resting on the back of the sofa, rested against the top of her head. He didn't speak, just let the moment lengthen without thinking about what it all meant. He stayed within the comfort of her, her hand against his chest, her head on his shoulder and felt a contentment he hadn't known in a very long time.

"There there," she said soothingly. "We will figure it all out. I promise." She continued to stroke his head slowly and softly, intending it to have a soothing effect. "I'm here. You've got me...."

"Got you," he murmured into her hair. "I keep seeing them, you know, friends, sacrificing themselves so that the rest of us could get away. That could so easily have been us ... you."

"It could have," H'iri confirmed, her voice starting to drift back in memory towards the invasion. "I was running from the invasion on Earth. I just completed the Kobiyashi Maru. I was not sure it was all real. It was easier to believe that it was not," she admitted in that faraway voice. "But, I was randomly beamed aboard. So now I'm here." She turned her nose into Raz. "We both know that work helps but it is only a distraction, Raz. We need energy for ourselves. We have to digest it all. The crew does not have to see this, but I will be here for you...always."

"And have you," Raz asked, as he absently stroked her hair with the pads of his paw, "digested all of this?"

"No," H'iri admitted morosely. "But loss and I have been companions for some time now."

"Mmmm," Raz said, his deep voice caught between a growl and a hum. "I see loss as an enemy, not a friend. Making peace with it? That's hard for me."

"I understand," H'iri answered. "I don't think it is easy for anyone, Raz. Look, I'm far from perfect. I accepted your loss so many years ago. Later I accepted the loss of my husband. I accepted the loss of my family. Eventually, death comes from us all. However, this is what loss teaches us: to treasure the moments, to enjoy what we have, and to live for now. There are no guarantees about tomorrow, but now, Raz. We have the now." Instinctively, she kissed Raz' forehead of white fur. When she withdrew, she smiled. "Accentuate the positive, Raz. Don't get dragged into the negative. It isn't you."

"Chess taught me to look ahead, to see the moves before they happen, and I got good at it. I understand logic and tactics. I know what it means to keep fighting even when there isn't any hope of a good outcome. All of that, I get. I understand honor and duty and responsibility to the ship, to the crew. All that I get, and I will keep fighting these ... Borg ... until my last breath or theirs. Hopefully theirs." He kept his eyes on her, once his 'lodestone' that pointed to home and dreams he'd shelved long ago, and saw in her again that young Cait she had once been before the onerous weight of Caitian culture had ripped her from him. "As a starship captain, I can't live in the moment but that doesn't mean I live in the past. Not anymore anyway."

H'iri tilted her head. "There is an old saying.... Yesterday's the past. Tomorrow's the future. However, today is a gift and that is why it is called the present. You can live in the present as the same time, planning for the future. If you do not stop at the side of the road, you will miss smelling the catnip or roses. Maybe that's why we worked. I might be able to organize but I don't think much about the future. You can plan, but you completely miss what's in front of your face." She giggled prettily.

"It's been said," Raz agreed. "Course, there'd have to be more to the present than that endless stream of crew members wanting my attention." His voice dropped to the more familiar grumble as he added, "Never fails to amaze me how inventive they are about finding their way into my path."

"I don't need to be inventive," H'iri answered. "All I have to do is say, 'Raz, your stupid ex-girlfriend wants to have a chat.'"

"Why stupid?" Raz said, as his gray gaze snapped up to meet hers again. Protective was a layered thing and, even now, with their relationship so far in the past, he had to fight to stop himself from protecting her from the way she put herself down.

H'iri gave a short, derisive laugh. "Come on, Raz? After all that I've told you? After all that we have been through? How can you say that I'm not? I let you go so that I could do what I was supposed to do. I then lost them and everyone back home, because you know how well divorce is accepted.... And then, here I am, coming here to comfort you, and assuming that I know you as well as I did, so long ago...."

"Hmmm," Raz murmured as he considered what she said. "I was ostracized from Caitian culture almost from birth so, I could not understand your choice. I had to get past the rage I felt in that moment, for being abandoned and your father ensuring that I had to leave my home. I never thought you stupid. Misguided, yes. And foolish to believe in a patriarch that did not have your best interests in mind."

Foolish was a word much like stupid and while he had never thought that of her when they were together, in later years, when he no longer felt the need to protect and comfort her, they crept in. Misguided. Foolish. In the years when the rage at what had been done to him blocked the kinder thoughts, he had used those words.

Raz looked at her now, beautiful still, though lacking the unguarded innocence that had once been so much a part of her and fought down the rumble that threatened to spill out. Mine. After everything that had happened, could it even be possible he still felt that way.

"I am different, yes," Raz said finally. "Years in Starfleet. How could it be the same? And yet, when I look at you, I remember ... as though we were two beings, both looking at you, both trying to merge beneath my fur."

"From what I can tell, you are the same, at least mostly. Sure, we've both have had different experiences and that may have softened or harden some aspects of ourselves, but the core.... I don't see how that could change." She looked away for a second before returning to Raz' gaze. "But maybe I'm still a fool."

"Never that," Raz said softly as he moved closer to her, drew her into his arms. "Never that."

---

Captain M'Raz
Commanding Officer
USS Jane Addams

Lieutenant H'iri
Chief Operations Officer
USS Jane Addams

 

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